Subj: The Kender Affair - 1/1
Date: 96-09-26 13:42:32 EDT
From: Exegete

Chapter One
Overall this affair is going off fairly well" thought Exegete of the Forge,
Knight of the Round Table. He, and a number of other Knights had been
attending an affair of state in the Palace of Lord Nasher, ruler of
Neverwinter and of the Realms. It was a decoration ceremony for The Lady
Nalika, in honor of her leading of the Knights of KORT in suppression of the
Draconian incursions into the Triboar area.. The Knights had stood in long
line, along with representatives of several of the other guilds in
Neverwinter. The presentations and commendations had gone on and on and the
sun became hotter and hotter (especially for those in the Formal Plate Armor
the Knights had recently adopted for "official" occasions. Obviously,
whoever had chosen the Silver and Black motif had never worn Plate Armor in
the sun before. It was handsome enough, but gods breath it was hot and
uncomfortable. It made the prospect of the coming reception and the cool
mead and ale that was sure to be a part of it all the more attractive. Exe
had always liked that part of these functions the best. Nasher had his
faults, but by gods, he could throw a mean party. Exe winced as a cramp ran
the length of his right calf. He had barely moved a muscle in the entire 2 ½
hours of the presentation. Lady Nalika had threatened hold spells and itching
power for those who were not still enough; but she was always testy about
these things and Exe was fairly sure that she wouldn't follow through on her
threat, but just the same...

Exe concentrated on the "drill" for standing at attention for long lengths of
time. Knees slightly flexed, all muscles relaxed, eyes unfocused, but
straight forward. Gauntleted hands on the pommel of his unshipped but
sheathed Broadsword before him. Sword, tip resting on the ground, at right
angles to said ground, precisely 6 inches from the body, at no time
entertaining any angle, blah blah blah. Just kind of "hang yourself on a peg
there" Tuvor had told him during his days as his Squire..

Basic Training had been a trip he mused absently, his mind wandering
absently. Upperclassmen screaming at you, endless drills and ceremonies.
Classes and book learning, and gods, the interminable ridiculous "trivia"
they'd had to spout. "What is a cow Mr. Toad" Lessee, how did that answer
go? "Sir, she walks she talks, she's full of chalk. Sir the lactated fluid
extracted from the female of the bovine species is prolific to the nth degree
Sir!" Exe almost smiled. The discipline of the service he mused. he still
wasn't sure what the lactated fluid of the female of the Bovine species had
to do with whacking the heads off Kobolds and sending evil doers to meet
their dubious maker. But then, who was he to question the discipline of the
service and the requirements of the order?

The blaring of trumpets and the stirring martial fanfare of the honors band
near the presentation platform stirred him from his thoughts abruptly. The
ceremonies were coming to and. All that was left was to march smartly by the
reviewing stand and render honors to both Nasher and Nalika. Exe stepped
into line with the rest of his troop and cheerfully fulfilled this last part
of his "official" duties for this day. Each step brought the anticipated
Reception closer and closer. .

Continued in 1/2


Subj: The Kender Affair - 1/2
Date: 96-09-26 13:43:41 EDT
From: Exegete

The Ale was every bit as cool and refreshing as Exe had thought it would be.
He finished his second mug quickly and, taking his third, moved over toward
the little alcove that was serving and the gathering place for the Knights.
The Knights, as a rule, preferred their own company, few having the courtly
graces necessary to mingle in a diplomatic session. That was generally left
to the likes of BlackCoral and Allsfaire, Nalika and Sir Corwin. These
things most often turned into pleasant sessions of bragging and talking among
the Knights, who loved free food & drink, well, pretty much above most
everything else. Nalika had met them at the beginning of the reception and
had entreated them to their best behavior. "This is a State Ballroom, not a
common barroom" she had sternly told them. Ganzelle and Tuvor nodded
solemnly. Ganselle readily agreed, looking mortified at the suggestion that
he might do something unseemly. Akumu and Exegete just smiled agreeably, the
others joining in. After all what could possibly happen at an affair of this
nature. No one wanted any unpleasantness at such an affair. That should
have been our first clue as what the evening would unfold.

Exegete had just returned from the bar with his 4th mug of Ale when he
spotted the Kender moving around the edges of the crowd in the main Ballroom.
No one else seemed to notice him, not at all unusual given the Kender skill
of remaining unnoticed until they desired to be. Actually, at first, Exegete
wasn't really all that sure he had seen the Kender at all, but a second look
convinced him that was indeed a real, live Kender, in the act of removing a
jeweled clasp from the gown of one of the ladies in the greeting line. "Oh
gods" he thought, that's Miranda, the Lady of one of the BDA Yuckety Yucks.
this should be interesting" The Kender was busily and successfully moving
down the line unsuspected when the thought stuck Exe that this had the
potential to cause so real trouble. Normally that wouldn't have bothered
him, as these things tend to be a little dry and a diversion would serve to
liven things up a bit. BUT, this was an affair in Nalika's honor and
anything that caused trouble at this particular affair was definitely taboo
tonight. Exe turned to head for the alcove and get some advice from Tuvor.

A Kender?" Tuvor asked incredulously? "Here? In Neverwinter? In Nasher's
Palace?" he went on unbelievingly. "How many of those things have you had?"
he asked indicating the mugs of Ale.

"Only four and it was a Kender I tell you" Exegete insisted defensively.
"He's 'acquiring' things in the greeting line and has lightened some folks
that won't react well!

"There haven't been Kender in Neverwinter for years" Ganzelle said, entering
the conversation. "You sure it was a Kender and not the Ale?" he asked with
a raised eyebrow. Exe's "talent" for imagination when under the influence
was well known. "Try and remember not to torch the place this time" he added
with a smile.

"I won't torch the place and there really was Death Knight at that Inn. I
can't help it if my aim was off a bit, besides I paid for the damage" Exe
said, a wounded tone in his voice. "Boy, one mistake and you branded for
life!" he added.

Continued in 1/3


Subj: The Kender Affair - 1/3
Date: 96-09-26 13:44:20 EDT
From: Exegete

"Well, I wouldn't say one mistake, now" Tuvor interjected with a smile "The
was the oatmeal affair after all."
"Oh let's not get into that again" Exegete moaned. "Daggie still can't use
that cloak and he reminds me of it every chance he gets" he said, a rue smile
on his face. "You have to admit though, the cherries & whipped cream were a
nice touch?"
"Depends on your point of view I guess" Tuvor admitted. "At any rate, we
certainly don't want any kind of repeat tonight. This is great night for
KORT and a great night for Sister Nalika and I don't want anything to spoil
it for her. You heard what she said and I want to be on record as being in
complete agreement with. . .with. . .with. . . ."
Tuvor stared off past Exegetes right shoulder at the area near the food
buffet. Ganzelle followed his gaze and his mouth dropped open in surprise.
Exegete turned quickly to see the Kender, in the process of sliding one of
the golden food trays out form under some cold cuts and putting it under his
cloak.
"See!" he hissed. "I told you so"
"Yeah, yeah" was Tuvor's only reply, intent as he was on watching the
Kender's work right under the nose of the steward. "Gods, he's a good one"
he muttered with grudging admiration.
"We've got to stop him, this could wreck the reception" Ganzelle whispered.
"No magic" he went on, it would only alert everyone that there was something
going on. "OK you guys, spread out"
The remarkable things was that they were able to catch the Kender at all.
Ganzelle approached from one side, Exegete from behind, and Tuvor from a
third side. Distracted by Exegete and Ganzelle, the Kender was delayed
enough to fail to escape Tuvor's grasp. The three Knights hurried him off
into a nearby cloakroom. Tuvor pushed him up against the back wall the three
Knights confronted the Kender.
They all began to speak at once:
"What're you doing here?" Tuvor Asked
"How'd you get inside the Palace?" Ganzelle asked
"What're you planning to do with silver platter?" Exegete asked
The Kender looked confused. "Please, One at a time" Tuvor asked raising a
hand "And be quiet, we don't want the whole reception in here!" he added
urgently. "Ooooohhh no you don't" he said grabbing the Kender who was trying
to take the opportunity to slip out of the cloak room. "You're not going
anywhere!" he said, pushing he back to the back wall. "Now Stay put and tell
us what in the name of Tyr you're doing in Neverwinter, and at a formal
reception no less!"
"Masterful Knights" the Kender began. "I was merely passing by and saw the
wonderful party your Lordships were having and just thought I'd lean in take
a peek, so to speak" he went on innocently. I had no idea I was trespassing.
You know, if you want to keep people out of places, you really should get
better locks, the lock on the pantry door must be defective or something it
came right off in my hand!". he said sweetly, producing the lock from a pouch
and showing it to the Knights.

"You took the lock off the door?" Ganzelle began in an amazed voice. "Tuv, I
know these locks and they're the best available in Neverwinter!"

Continued in 1/4


Subj: The Kender Affair - 1/4
Date: 96-09-26 13:45:13 EDT
From: Exegete

Tuvor looked the small Kender over with a practiced eye. "Let's see what
else is in those pouches" he said quietly, but with authority.

"Surely kind master" the Kender replied, beginning to take his pouches and
empty them on the floor. "I have nothing to hide"

"Wait a second, let's see the tray you stole from the buffet table first"
Exegete said before the Kender was able to empty any of his pouches.

The Kender looked up in alarm. "Stole?!" he said in a shrill voice. "The
tray was empty and I was just looking at it. It has some very interesting
inscriptions on the back your know, just look here. . ." he said stating to
turn the tray over.

"Never mind that" Exegete said grabbing hold of the tray and starting to
wrest it from his hands. They grappled for a moment and then Exegete tore the
tray from the Kender's hand. Ganzelle and Tuvor leaned toward Exegete,
looking at the tray curiously. None of the three Knights saw the Kender's
hand stray to a pouch at his side and withdraw a bit of dust. He quickly
blew the dust into the air and, for the three Knights, the world went black
as night.

All three of the Knights dove for where the Kender stood and a minor ruckus
ensued. The darkness lifted a moment later to show Ganzelle manfully
subduing a ladies sewing mannequin while both Tuvor and Exegete struggled
with various cloaks that had somehow become entangled about their persons,
both falling to the floor and writhing about in an attempt to get free.
Tuvor was the first to get free and flipped over on his stomach to get up.
He found himself staring at a pair of armored boots. He heaved a sigh and
slowly followed the boot upward, eventually finding himself looking up at the
amused visage of Dagron, Elder of KORT.
"Ahem!" Dagron intoned in his deep voice. Both Exegete and Ganzelle ceased
their movement and looked at Dagron in apparent alarm and embarrassment.
With a sheepish look at each other, they both quickly got to their feet and
join Tuvor, who by now was standing looking anywhere but at Dagron. The
three cast a quick glance around the cloak room, seeing that the Kender was
gone. They exchanged glances, each understanding that there was the dickens
to pay if Dagron caught them with a tray taken from the buffet table. He'd
never believe that there was a Kender, thinking instead that this was part of
some elaborate practical joke. Tuvor gave Exe a "Why do I let you get me
into these things look" and turned his attention back to Dagron.

Continued in 1/5


Subj: The Kender Affair - 1/5
Date: 96-09-26 13:46:33 EDT
From: Exegete

"I'm not sure I want to know what was going on here" Dag began. "You guys
were making enough noise to wake the undead!" he said in low voice, conscious
of the reception going on behind him.. "You know how important this is to
Nal" he went, "Try and behave yourselves and keep the noise down" he added
forcibly. He looked each Knight in the eye and receive a nod in response.
As he did, he noticed that Exegete, standing on the left end of the trio, was
holding something behind his back. "Whadda you got there Exe?" he asked.
"Me?" Exe replied, he hoped innocently.

"Yes, You!" Dag replied in a tired voice. "You - not the wall, you!" he
added, as if to make his point clear.

"Ah!" Exe said, uncomfortably. "Me. Ummm. . .behind my back. . .you want to
know what's behind my back?" he asked, clearly stalling for time.

Dagron scratched his forehead absently. "I'm gonna count to three. Now, I
better not get to three because if I get to three, I know three Knights
who'll be sorry and that my Momma ever taught me to count. Now. . .1. . .2.
. ."

Exe pulled his hands pout from behind his back. "Nothing Dag, I don't have
anything in my hands, what're you getting so intense about, Dag?" He said in
a conciliatory tone.

Dag looked suspiciously at Exe's hands, as if he might have something up his
sleeve. "Turn around" he commanded.

"Dag" Exe said in a wounded tone. "You know that as a Knight, I am pledge to
the truth" he added.

"Yeah, Yeah," Dagron said. "You'd never bend the truth would ya, Exe?" he
said as Exe turned around to reveal. . .nothing. "And neither would the two
ballerinas I took to dinner a while ago, would they?" he concluded, his gaze
shifting to Ganzelle, standing patiently, eyes front, both arms firmly behind
his back.

Dagron pursed his lips, clearly considering the issue. "Brother Ganzelle" he
began. "I would hate to think that you might something behind your back. I
would further hate to think that what is behind your back is what WAS behind
Exe's back." He said amicably. "I've always liked you Ganzelle, you know
that" he said, his voice rising, "And I'd hate to have to hurt you. Now, be
a good lad and give Uncle Dag what's behind you back" he concluded with a
kind, fatherly smile on his face.

Ganzelle swallowed hard, sweat beginning to bead on his forehead. "My back
Dag?" he began "There's noth. . ."

Dagron held his hand up, palm toward Ganzelle. "Don't brother, I couldn't
bear it" He reached out and grabbed Ganzelle's arms and pulled them to the
front - empty! Dagron sighed a weary sigh. "Put your hands on top of your
head Ganzelle and don't move them" he said. "Exe, you too" he commanded,
glancing over to be sure that Exe obeyed, which he did, being no fool.

Continued in 1/6


Subj: The Kender Affair - 1/6
Date: 96-09-26 13:47:27 EDT
From: Exegete

He turned to Tuvor and fixed him with a steady eye. He stepped close to
Tuvor and reached around behind him, bring the silver tray out after three of
four pulls. He looked at the tray and the then at Tuvor, at the tray and
then at Ganzelle, at the tray and then at Exe. He frowned and looked at the
ceiling. "I'm gonna assume that you guys brought this tray back here with
food on it, that you finished the food, and that you were about to return the
tray to the table. I know, I KNOW that's what this tray is dong back here.
I KNOW you guys weren't planning on livening up this reception a bit." he
continued

"Oh no Dag, we weren't. . ."
"No way Sir Dagron, we were just. . ."
"Nice reception Dag, why would we. . ."
All three of the Knights tried to speak at the same time, all shaking their
heads with vehemence and energy.

Dag held his hand up once again, silencing the three. "All right. All of
you, out where I can keep an eye on you. Ganzelle, say good bye to your
friend first" he said indicating the Sewing dummy. With that, he gave each a
stern look once again, and turned and strode out of the cloak room, followed
by the three Knights, now intent on looking innocent and normal.

"Whew" Ganzelle whispered, as Dagron's back receding into the crowd. "That
could've gotten nasty.

"What makes you think it didn't" Exe said with a wry smile.

"I need to find new friends" Tuvor said with a look at Exe. But Exe wasn't
looking or listening. He was scanning the crowd.

"I wonder where that damn Kender went" he mused. Tuvor and Ganzelle looked
at each other and suddenly discovered they had business elsewhere, each
disappearing quickly into the crowd.

"I wonder. . ." Exe said. "We've got to find him guys"

To be continued in chapter Two


~~~+++~~~+++~~~+++~~~+++~~~+++~~~

Subj: The Kender Affair 2/1
Date: 96-09-30 11:30:17 EDT
From: Exegete

Chapter Two
Slen Star, Knight of KORT stood near the small alcove where most of the
Knights were congregated partaking of some the delights of Lord Nasher's
kitchens on a gold rimmed plate filled with delectable morsels of delicacies
he, apparently relished with great gusto from the number of trips to the
buffet table he had taken already. He was currently sampling some of Mrs.
Nasher's Lime Jell-O, Marshmallow, Cottage Cheese surprise, a dish that he
thought, with some surprise, was going unappreciated by the other guests.
"No accounting for taste" he thought as he shoveled down his second helping
of the concoction. He stopped in mid-chomp and stared with evident interest
as Exegete, another of the Knights, approached the buffet table and, with a
surreptitious look around, knelt and raised the elaborate skirt around the
table and quickly ducked underneath. Berrun swallowed his mouthful with a
gulp and continued to watch as if he was watching a dream. He walked slowly
toward the table , looking around to see if anyone else had noticed and
caught the eye of the beautiful Lady Allsfaire and motioned her toward the
table.
Allsfaire raised a sculpted eyebrow and finished the helping of Pineapple
upside-down beans she was eating, and putting her plate down on a side table,
she picked up her glass of wine and moved toward Slen Star. As she
approached she glanced approvingly at the buffet table and was startled to
see the bowl containing the ever-popular Spam Soup begin to rock gently. She
watched as the entire table began to tremble slightly at intermittent
intervals. Amazed, she looked as Slen Star who shrugged as if to declare his
innocence. Allsfaire stepped carefully to Slen Star's side. "I think I'll
pass on the Spam Soup" she said dryly with a smile. "What's going on?" she
asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Exegete" was Slen Star's one-word reply, given with a knowing and amused
look.
Allsfaire looked around in a puzzled fashion and failing to notice Exegete's
presence, looked questioningly at Slen Star who indicated the buffet table.
Allsfaire looked at the table for a long moment and then with a look that
mingled horror and amusement, accompanied by a sharp intake of breath she
looked back at Slen Star. "You don't mean. . . "
Slen Star pursed his lips and a neutral line and nodded. "'Fraid so" he said
quietly. "And don't even ask me why." he went one.
"Dag's gonna kill him" was Allsfaire's only commentary.

Continued in 2/2Subj: The Kender Affair 2/2
Date: 96-09-30 11:31:43 EDT
From: Exegete

Sir Corwin moved along the incredible length of the buffet table with looked
the food over with a practiced and hungry eye. He had been detained on KORT
business after the parade and presentations and was only just now able to get
in and get something to eat. Sir Vinman and the Lady Sylphee moved through
the line with him. "If this buffet was any larger," Corwin commented as he
looked at the various branches and sections the huge buffet spread across two
different rooms and hallways, "It'd need its own zip code".
"They must've know that Dag was coming" Lady Sylphee contributed, taking a
portion of squid and macaroon pie.
Vinman laughed as he spooned a healthy portion of sardines and mayonnaise
over the Peanut Butter covered pumpernickel he was holding in his hand. "I
guess we ought to be thankful that he hasn't worked his way down here yet."
he added, adding cucumbers to his sandwich.

"How can you eat that stuff" Corwin said with evident disgust. "I never
could stomach Pumpernickel bread" he went on, turning back to the buffet
table and continuing his own selection.
"Now Now Corwin, to each his or her own" Sylphee said as she selected a
particularly nice section of pickled squid and lemons. She looked hard at
the pickled eggs and brine. "And how long have you been in this sauce" she
said absently to the eggs, turning them over with a fork to examine their
undersides.
"mmmmhhhhhmgggmfffff" the eggs seemed to reply.
Vinman stepped up beside Sylphee, piccalilli dripping off his sandwich. He
raised an eyebrow and looked at Sylphee. "Its just a guess now, but I'd say
not nearly long enough"
"I hate it when my food answers me back" Corwin said from the other side of
the table.
"Quick" Vinman said with a grin; "Ask it which really DID come first, the
chicken or the egg?"
Sylphee smiled in spite of herself. "Jolly jokers" she said. "There's
obviously someone under the table" she went on. She raised her voice a bit,
careful to pitch it low enough to not be heard far from their position. "all
right" she said "Who's under there?" and she rapped the table twice for
emphasis.
"MmMmm hghghff eeeemmxxeftt" came the reply, this time from further down the
table, to their left, from the direction of the Artichoke hearts and wine
vinegar sauce.
With a dubious look at the pickled eggs, Sylphee moved casually down the
table toward the sounds. She rapped the table once again, this time hard
enough to cause the sour cream and rutabaga dip to jump into the air.
"That's enough now" she commanded, come out of there"
"Is there a problem Madame" came a solemn voice from behind her.

Continued in 2/3Subj: The Kender Affair 2/3
Date: 96-09-30 11:32:30 EDT
From: Exegete

Sylphee jumped in surprise. She turned quickly to see a footman, in full
royal livery, standing before her eyeing her with a haughty stare.
"Is the dip not to Madame's liking?" he said, the tone of voice suggesting
that Sylphee had all the class of a small soap dish.
"No, No it's fine" she managed, embarrassed to have been caught apparently
talking to a serving table. "We're fine my good man. Please, go on about
your business" she said, regaining her composure and dismissing him with a
wave of her hand.
"Veddy Good, Madame" the footman said, his tone clearly one that said that he
viewed Sylphee with aristocratic disdain. As he turned to leave, Sylphee
went over the words of the Transformation spell in her mind,, trying to
decide whether a toad or a flea would better suite the retreating servant.
"Not worth it" she decided, regretfully.
Vinman touched her arm and turned her attention back to the table. As she
turned, the table began to shake and the various trays and bowls on the table
began to jump and clatter. A Bowl of Beef Jerky Stew fell and crashed at
Sylphee's feet, splattering her legs and feet, as well and Vinman' with muck.
The commotion stopped as quickly as it began, but the damage was done. All
eyes nearby were on the trio and worse, the footman's receding back halted
and turned, a disapproving frown on face.
"Damn" Corwin muttered.
"Shoot" Vinman whispered.
"Don't tempt me" Sylphee said in resignation.
The footman approached the trio with stately dignity. Several other servants
appeared at his side, anxious looks on their faces. "If Madame wished some
stew, Madame had but to ask." he said icily, surveying the mess. "What did
Madame wish to do with entire bowl?" he asked, disdain evident in his voice.
"You don't want to know" Sylphee thought briefly. "MADAME" she began in a
nasty tone, "had nothing to do with this" She fixed him with an equally icy
stare. "You would do well to clean it up and keep our comments to yourself"
she continued, he irritation showing clearly. "Where is the Ladies lounge"
she asked loftily.
The footman indicated a door on the far wall. "Will Madame need assistance"
he intoned, clearly implying that Madame needed all the assistance she could
get."
"Thank you - no" she said wearily. and turned to leave the table.
Corwin stepped beside her and whispered in her ear; "You're gonna need a hose
for all that" he said, amusement in his voice.
Sylphee looked at him harshly, then softened a bit. She drew a deep breath
and then patted Corwin on the arm. "A Knight maintains his or her dignity at
all times and in all situations" she quoted from the manual.
Slen Star approached from another portion of the buffet table. He surveyed
the mess on the floor and the servants moving quickly to clean it up. He
looked at Sylphee's legs and shoes, as well and Vinman' and cleared his
voice. "I have a bit of information that you might find interesting" he
began. All three of the other Knights turned toward him. "Allsie and I were
over there" he said, indicating Allsfaire over in far west side of the room.
"And we happened to notice Brother Exegete, ummmm, slipping under the
buffet." he concluded. He smiled grimly and looked over the rapidly
disappearing mess once again. "I'll bet this is his fault" he said. "Man,
Dag's gonna kill him!"
"Not if I get hold of him first" Sylphee said in a dangerous voice. "Not if
I get hold of him first!"

Continued in chapter 3. . .


~~~+++~~~+++~~~+++~~~+++~~~+++~~~

Subj: The Kender Affair 3/1
Date: 96-10-08 13:11:19 EDT
From: Exegete

Lord Nasher stood in the reception receiving line and, with a grace that
endeared him to all in the realms, shook hands over and over with the
incredible variety of guests filing by. At his side, Mrs. Nasher, all grace
and smiles, complimented her husband in regal fashion. Next to Nasher stood
the guest of honor, The Lady Nalika, Guild Master of KORT, herself struggling
masterfully to remain pleasant fresh as the torrent of visitors moved past.
With nods and smiles, compliments, small talk and the odd joke, Nalika
fulfilled her duty to represent KORT in Knightly fashion.
The ruckus at the buffet table attracted even attention even from across the
room. Heads turned and Lord Nasher looked inquiring in the direction of the
crash. He spotted Sylphee and the others standing amid the ruins of the stew
and a small smile appeared on his face. "They're yours aren't they Nalika?"
he asked with a glance to his left at Nal.
"Indeed Milord" Nalika answered with a grimace. "I beg your pardon Milord,
allow me to attend to it? I shan't be long" Nalika said in a tight voice.
"Of course, of course" Nasher said with a wave of his hand while giving
Nalika a winning smile. "Give you a few moments away from this damn line" he
added in a conspiratorial whisper.
Nalika returned the smile, though hers was a bit strained. "Thank you
Milord, I'll be right back" She motioned for an aid to take her place in line
and she moved around behind the line and over to where Dagron was standing,
finishing off some pickled monkey brains with gusto.
Dag raised an eyebrow at Nalika' appearance and swallowed the mouthful he was
chewing. He notice that Nal's gaze was toward the buffet table and followed
it to where Sylphee was now finishing her comments to the footman and had
begun to head for the lounge to clean up along with Sir Vinman. The servants
were busily cleaning up the floor and order was quickly being restored.
Another cauldron of stew had appeared and Corwin was back at the buffet,
continuing to load his plate. 'Have to speak to Sylphee 'bout her table
manners" he said, spewing some crumbs on the floor. He dabbed at the corners
of his mouth with a napkin. "terrible mess", he said, his mouth now empty,
"Terrible Mess", he repeated, shaking his head.
Nalika shook her head sadly. "Of all the bad times to have an accident" she
said reflectively. She motioned Akumu, another Knight of KORT who was
standing nearby over to her. "What happened here" she asked when Akumu
arrived.

Continued in 3/2Subj: The Kender Affair 3/2
Date: 96-10-08 13:13:03 EDT
From: Exegete

"It was the oddest thing Milady" Akumu began. "I was just coming over to
the buffet to get some seconds on the anaconda and strawberry pie. Sylphee,
Vinman, and Corwin were up the table a bit from me. I was looking the table
over and happened to be glancing up to where Sylphee was standing" he said.
"She seemed to be leaning over the table and talking to it, quite sternly I
might add" he continued. "Now I've always had the utmost respect for
Sylphee, but I did think this was a bit odd." He continued. "No sooner had
she finished her rebuke of the table and the tureen of stew seemed to come to
a life of its' own. It all but leaped up and threw itself at the Lady
Sylphee." He smiled a small smile at the memory. "Thankfully, it wasn't a
very good shot and landed on the floor. She was but wounded." he finished
with a grin.
Nalika smiled at Akumu' tendency to describe things in terms of warfare. The
image of a bellicose soup tureen was an entertaining one, though a bit
unbelievable.
Dagron's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Nal, the thought occurs that the
tureen might have had an accomplice", he said and then stopped short. "Er,
that is, someone might have "helped" the tureen in its' 'attack'". he went on
with a look at Akumu's innocent face. He frowned and shook his head. "I
mean, that someone might have used the stew to embarrass Milady and try and
make KORT look silly" He summarized.
Nalika frowned. "Is that possible" she said, "The tureen idea, I mean?"
"Yeah" Akumu piped up, "You don't often see animated Tureens" he said
"Especially suicidal ones" Nalika commented dryly. She motioned to one of the
servants passing by with the remains of the stew and the tureen on a tray. A
few murmured words later she concluded that the tureen had not been magically
manipulated. "I think we can rule out magic" she said slowly. "I think we
can also rule out animated pottery as well. This isn't a fairy tale after
all, pottery doesn't walk and talk in the real world." she concluded.
Dagron looked around the room. "You're right about the pottery Nal, besides
the Kaaos contingent isn't here yet" he said with a grin.
"Heheh" was Nalika' reply. "So, how'd that tureen get from the table to the
floor?" she asked looking at Akumu.

Continued in 3/3Subj: The Kender Affair 3/3
Date: 96-10-08 13:14:35 EDT
From: Exegete

"Nal, as I live and breathe, no one touched the tureen. It leaped up and
threw itself at Sylphee." he said. "Come to think of it, the whole table
seemed to shake and rise up as well." he continued thoughtfully.
Nalika looked at the buffet table and surveyed it with a critical eye. She
went over picked up a squid stuffed olive and popped it in his mouth. She
cast an eye over to the two Knights standing together near the scene of the
incident; Slen Star and Sir Corwin. As he watched, Corwin shook his head and
turned back to the table and Slen Star began to head over toward the west
side of the room. She motioned to Corwin who was, it seemed, working his way
as quickly as possible away from the scene of the incident. "Corwin" Nalika
called, " A moment please"?
Sir Corwin slipped a last bit of the prune souffle on his crowded plate. and
approached Lady Nalika "Yes Milord" he said formally, knowing exactly what
Nal wanted.
"Do you have any light to shed on this incident"? Nalika asked, ignoring the
slurping sounds coming form Dagron's direction.
"Nay Milord, I did not actually the incident, but was otherwise engaged at
the moment it happened." Corwin said. "I did notice a certain brief
unsettledness from the table but nothing more. Slen Star, however had some
interesting light to shed."
'This is puzzling" Nalika commented. "It's almost as if someone was playing
an elaborate practical joke" she continued and then stopped short. She looked
at Dagron just as Dagron, stopped in mid-chew, a bit of seaweed hanging from
his half-opened mouth, looked at her.
"Exegete" they both chorused at the same time.
"Could be" Akumu added.
"You've ruined Slen Star's surprise" Sir Corwin added.
"I'll kill him" Sylphee added, returning from the lounge.

Continued in 3/4Subj: The Kender Affair 3/4
Date: 96-10-08 13:15:50 EDT
From: Exegete

When Sir Vinman exited the lounge area, all cleaned up, he looked around the
increasingly full banquet hall and spotted Tuvor and Ganzelle standing
nearby, munching contentedly on food from the buffet table. Smiling, he
approached them, greeting them enthusiastically. "You'll never guess what
just happen to Sylphee and I" he began, excited to tell the tale.
"You Feeb'd Nasher?" was Tuv's guess, as he munched a braised frog's leg..
"That Publisher's House thing finally come through"? Ganzelle added, busily
clearing his plate with a hunk of bread. He chased down a bit of meat that
seemed, at least to Vinman, to be moving agilely away from the bread.
"Heheh" Vinman replied, "No, not yet" he said with a laugh. "I was over
there with Sylphee and Corwin, just gettin' something to eat, when the table
went crazy and a tureen of stew flew at Sylphee. It missed but landed on the
floor and splattered all over the both of us."
"Twas probably a bit underdone" Ganzelle observed chasing the meat around his
plate. "Didn't want to be eaten I suppose?" he added, finally cornering the
meat near his asparagus.
"I hate it when my food attacks me" Tuvor said. "although it would promote a
healthy appetite." he finished, dropping the frog's leg bone and moving on to
another one.. "You know, a good frog's leg is hard find" he said waving the
frog's leg in the air as he spoke.
"I know" Ganzelle agreed. "I asked a waitress one time if she had frog's
legs, and she slugged me"
"Seriously!" Vinman said. "Slen Star said he & Allsie saw Exegete disappear
under the buffet tables a while ago. Sylphee is convinced it was he who
messed up her new Tiva leg armor. She's really hot!" he added.
At the mention of Exegete's name, Ganzelle started and the food he was eating
flew out of his mouth. Tuvor's face grew bright red and his eye's began to
bulge out of his head after few moments. "Exegete!?" Ganzelle said
breathlessly as Tuvor's face went through further contortions. He swept the
disgorged food behind a potted plant with a discreet movement of his foot.
"Oh gods" he moaned. "Tuv you don't suppose. . ." he said to Tuv, who, by
now was turning a sort angry purple and grasping at his throat.

Continued in 3/5Subj: The Kender Affair 3/5
Date: 96-10-08 13:16:33 EDT
From: Exegete

Vinman looked at Tuvor in a puzzled way. "You OK Tuv?" he asked. "You don't
look so good." Tuvor make a raspy hacking sound and pointed to his throat.
"Something go down the wrong pipe?" he asked. "Are you choking?" he added
with some concern.
Tuvor rolled his eyes, and then, with some difficulty, rolled them back once
again and nodded. Vinman grabbed his arm and slapped him sharply several
times on the back. On the last slap, a piece of Frog Leg shot out of his
mouth and flew all the over to a nearby beverage table, landing in the punch
bowl. Ganzelle watched it's graceful arc and splashdown. "Nice shot" he
commented.
Tuvor glared at Ganzelle and then at Vinman. "Am I choking!!!!!" he said,
rubbing his throat, obviously irritated. "Am I choking!!!" he added further,
his voice rising.
"Now, Now" Vinman soothed him. "I was only trying to help" he went on.
"You know Tuv" Ganzelle said thoughtfully, eyeing the buffet table. "It
could be Exegete. He was concerned about that Kender we saw earlier."
"Kender" Vinman said in a puzzled voice. "There haven't been Kender in this
part of the realms for a long time"
"Nevertheless, we saw one, had him in a hands to, but Tuvor let him get
away." Ganzelle said, looking over a Tuvor who was rubbing his throat with
one hand.
"Aahhheeccckckch" Tuvor began.
"What was that" Vinman said, "I didn't catch that last part. . .Kiss what?"
he went on.
"Ahem" Tuvor went on, clearing his throat and eyeing Vinman. "I did not let
him get away," he said turning his gaze toward Ganzelle. "If Dag hadn't
interfered, we'd still have him." he concluded. He considered the situation
for a moment. "However, all things considered, I believe we should let Dag
know what's really going on."
"Not me" Ganzelle said, "It took me three weeks to get rid of the manure odor
last time I gave him some bad news."
"At least you had a soft landing" Tuvor said with a smile, remembering the
incident. "Could'a been worse" he added.
"Harumph" Ganzelle said. "Easy for you to say" he added huffily. "You
weren't pulling horse poop out of you armor for two days." he said sulkily.
"I'll tell him" Vinman said with a grin.
"Better be hiding behind something when you do" Ganzelle said.
"Oh, it won't that bad. What can he do here, in a formal reception?" Vinman
said optimistically, heading toward Dagron and Nalika.
"We'll come visit you in the hospital" Tuvor called after him.
"If we can find you" Ganzelle threw after him. "This oughta be interesting"
he said to Tuvor as Vinman approached the leaders of KORT.. "We oughta run a
pool on what Dag'll turn him into."
"So many possibilities" Tuvor said, "and so little time" he finished with a
smile.

Continued in Chapter 4


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Auggie posted Chapter Three and Chapter Four here.

Subj: The Kender Affair 5/1
Date: 96-10-24 10:33:26 EST
From: Exegete

Numard Feathertouch reflected, and not for the first time either, that being
smallish for a Kender could be quite an advantage at times. He sat under one
of the buffet tables and looked at the glittering amulet he had just
"borrowed" from the Lady Wraith. It was a lovely thing indeed. Made of
purest silver and encrusted with various jewels and diamonds and weighing; he
hefted the amulet experimentally in one hand; about 22 ounces. He looked at
the broken clasp on the ornate chain and immediately saw that it had broken
because of a flaw in the workmanship. Numard clucked his tongue and shook
his head over the one flaw in an otherwise apparently flawless piece.
He slid the amulet in one of his pouches and removed the ring of invisibility
from his hand, glancing back toward the area of the room where the Lady
Kholari had fainted. The noise level was definitely growing there. He
smiled at his fortune at having been emerging from the netherworld beneath
the buffet tables just in time to see the amulet break as the Lady Wraith was
fondling it admiringly. She had given a little yelp in alarm and her husband
had turned and said a few words to her. The end result had been that it had
been placed in a pocket and Numard had had the opportunity to "examine" it.
He had never been able to understand the ruckus that humans raised when
things turned up missing. they obviously had no appreciation of the
transient nature of things. He shook his head once again. It was plainly
getting too active at that end of the room for him to slip out there. He
looked down the branch of the table where he had come from and heard the dim
noise of his pursuer begin to approach from that direction. He briefly
considered using the trap door he was sitting on, but then ruled it out as
well. There was another whole branch of the table that he hadn't explored
yet, and his Kender instincts and curiosity compelled him to explore that
direction, so he did. Yes, shortness was definitely an advantage in some
situations he mused as he went quickly down the south branch of the
underworld of the buffet tables at a kind of bent over lope.

Continued in 5/2Subj: The Kender Affair 5/2
Date: 96-10-24 10:34:42 EST
From: Exegete

Sir Exegete Nicator De La Forge was getting distinctly tired of crawling
around on his hands and knees. He paused and rolled over on one hip for a
rest. He heard the ruckus growing off to his left and tentatively parted the
skirt of the buffet table discretely to look in that direction. He saw a
bunch of people, mostly BDA's and their attendants milling about at the far
northern edge of the buffet table. A he watched, the group moved about and
then several of the group, Kholari, Absstain, Glaeros, and two or three
others, stood up, pointed in what Exegete thought was his direction, and
started moving toward him (or so he thought at the time). Exe gulped and
closed the table skirt quickly. Exe decided that discretion was the better
part of valor and began to crawl rapidly to the east, toward where he thought
the Kender had gone, but now thinking little of the Kender, and concerned
mainly with preserving his life. He moved fast, not really careful about
what he bumped against and as a result, several of the guests around the
buffet table were treated to helpings of various foodstuffs they either were
or were not (mostly were not) considering. Some of the samples even ended up
on the plates.

Continued in 5/3Subj: The Kender Affair 5/3
Date: 96-10-24 10:35:31 EST
From: Exegete

A particular favorite was the Macadamia nut and pickle surprise that ended up
leaking into Squire Valeana's new boots as she considered what to add to the
pile of food on her plate. Her fellow Squire, Hakar, looked over at her in
surprise as she was normally very delicate and tidy in her affairs.
"Valeana", he said in a shocked voice, "Dag told us to be careful". He
raised a further eyebrow as Valeana murmured an oath in a low voice. "That
would be extremely uncomfortable and besides, I don't think I can reach" he
said mildly.
Valeana put he plate down on the table and turned towards Hakar. "If you're
gonna be clumsy, be clumsy on yourself next time!" she said vehemently.
"I didn't do it" Hakar protested. "Don't blame it on me!"
Valeana looked around the area carefully, seeing no one else near. She shot
Hakar another furious look. "You're lucky that we're on our best behavior
bub" she said and turned her back on him, to head for the ladies lounge to
clean up. Now, as we have mentioned, there are times when the fates work in
almost demonic coordination. The very moment that Valeana turned away from
Hakar the table lurched again (Exe was just leaving that particular area) and
a large platter of egg and raspberry jam tort (with that delicious cucumber
dressing) fairly leapt into the air directly toward Valeana's back. Hakar,
mystified about all of this, saw it and, quick lad that he is, reached to
grab the platter. Unfortunately, he'd already seriously depleted the ale
supply and his coordination was not quite what it should be. He did succeed
in grasping the platter with one hand, but only just after it struck Valeana
in the back and was about to fall to the floor. Valeana's back froze, and
not because of the temperature of the contents of the platter. She spun
around, flinging chunks of egg and raspberry jam in all directions and
confronted Hakar, now standing just three feet from her, holding the dripping
platter in his hand.
A sickly smile spread over Hakar's face. "Heheh" he managed as Valeana's
temperature visibly rose, coloring her face an increasingly raspberry-like
shade of red. "Now Valeana, this isn't what it looks like" he stammered,
backing away from her. "Now, Now, Dag told us to be on our best behavior,
remember?" He said. "I didn't do it, the platter jumped. . ." he stopped,
realizing how ridiculous that sounded. "I caught it. . ." he stopped again,
still retreating. He put the platter on the nearby table, and looked back at
Valeana, and noticed she had lost her angry look and was staring over his
shoulder. He cast a quick glaze over his right shoulder and was startled to
see an advancing group of very angry looking BDA's. "Ruh Roh" he murmured in
a low voice.

"You can say that again" Valeana echoed. And they both turned and headed for
the main group of KORT'ers further down the buffet tables.

Continued in 5/4Subj: The Kender Affair 5/4
Date: 96-10-24 10:36:29 EST
From: Exegete

Sir Dagron, just a few moments before had turned back to his group of Knights
standing in a cluster and walked quickly to their side. "You know, at this
moment, all things considered, I'd rather be in. . .well, almost anywhere."
he said, following it with a sigh. He looked down at the buffet table
extending to his left and noted the vibrations and jumps that would soon
result in the incident between Hakar and Valeana. The other Knights waited
patiently for him to continue, several taking the opportunity to pop various
and sundry tidbits into their mouths.
Dagron looked back at the group. "Somebody's gonna have to go under there
after him" he said resignedly.
As a unit, all mouths in the group froze into immobility. A trickle of
anchovy sauce trickled unheeded out of the side of Slen Star's mouth.
Sylphee noticed it and absently dabbed at it with a napkin. Tuvor began
muttering the words to a group invis spell, but was startled out it by an
elbow from Allsfaire.
"Tuvor" Dag said, "You and Ganzelle will go after him" he continued
decisively. "And don't bother complaining about it" he went on dangerously.
Tuvor's mouth opened and then closed. Ganzelle just grimaced
"You two were with him at the beginning of this mess, and you'll be the ones
to find him and end it." Dagron said. "This is now a KORT discipline matter
and I want it brought to a close quickly" he commanded. "And quietly" he
concluded in a firm voice.
The other Knights formed a kind of shield around the two, and in a moment,
they disappeared under the table, the gazes of the other Knights following
them into the darkness. Akumu was the first to look around, noticing that
Hakar and Valeana had just joined the group. he looked Valeana over, noting
her condition, and then looked up and thus was the first to spot the
approaching BDA's
"Um, Dag" he said, tugging on Dagron's tunic. "Do you know if Nasher's
insurance is paid up?"
Dagron straightened up and turned in the direction Akumu was looking just in
time to see the group of BDA's come to a stop a few meters away, BDA Kholari
at the head of 8 other BDA warriors.
"A word you Dagwuss" Kholari arrogantly demanded.
"Aw Jeez" Dagron said. "Why'd I even get up this morning?"

Continued in chapter 6


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